Late Update, Late Night, Late Period

I'm listening to Katy Perry's debut album and my one descriptive word for it is, "fabulous!"

My time in Chicago has honestly been spent wasted. I'm not going to sugar coat this situation in the slightest. I spend almost every day playing World of Warcraft and while it is fun and I enjoy the people that I play with, it sucks from a social standpoint.

I'm in a fucking stagnant social state. I can't make friends because I'm not in situations that open the door for friendships. I don't have a job, I don't have class right now, and honestly, I don't think the Chicago Crew from FO have any desire to hang out with me outside of pity. Kat is so busy and now on the move that seeing her ever is a lost cause. I don't blame her at all but the situation still blows for me. I essentially have no active friends. None. That's a rare situation for me and it's one I'm having an odd time adjusting to.

I miss interaction. I miss having someone to walk the streets, to people watch, to have a quick dinner and catch a late show. I need that, I really do.

I'm an introvert in a lot of ways but at the same time I have a huge problem that relies on extroversion to fuel my life-energy. If I dont interact with people, I get really lazy and boring. I actually stop wanting to see people at a certain point. It's a vicious twisted circle.

I do have a roommate now which came about quite suddenly. His name is Dominic and he is actually a pretty cool guy. We don't really hang out but when we do talk he is laid back and fun so I'm totally cool with living with him.

One of my friends from FO, Brien(Mook), is flying in to Chicago later this week to spend 5 nights with me and visit Chicago so I guess I'm looking forward to that. However, at the same time I am kind of worried about how I am going to keep him entertained for that long and if I will be socially up to it. I'm so afraid I've become some creepy shut-in that hates being around people. I know he wanting to go clubbing and stuff but without a girl beside me, I'm going to have major comfort issues. It's going to take either a miracle or a ton of heavy liquor to put me in a clubbing mood. The biggest issue is that Brien is attractive, plain and simple. He is attractive and I'm less than. He will be getting attentino and talking to people while I shrink further back from the crowds because the less I am around friends, the more self-concious and down on myself I become. It blows.

I feel so fragile right now and I hate it.

I like being strong, it's what I'm good at.

I just can't seem to be strong without the foundation I'm used to having.